Guide to Dating for the Socially Anxious Man Part I: Getting Started

If you’re not comfortable just striking up a conversation with any girl and keeping it going, don’t. This is a short-term approach and works for some guys. Instead, think long term. As a Shy guy, you want to focus on slowly building rapport and a relationship with the women you want to get to know.

If you see a girl at a place where you know you’ll see her again, like a regular meeting, school, or work, just say ‘hi’. Don’t immediately walk up and introduce yourself unless you have a good reason that you two should already be talking, such as a project the two of you are working on for work or school. Otherwise, just a short, simple, courteous ‘hi’ with a smile and then keep it moving is better for lowering her guard and slowly establishing genuine trust.

By building rapport, overtime, you will be planting seeds that can grow into a future relationship. However, if you place an expectation that the seed will grow, you will be putting unnecessary pressure on that relationship and increasing the chances that it will not grow.

Nice Guys Finish Last

You’ve heard that being ‘the nice guy’ will land you in the friend zone; well, it’s true… to a certain extent. Be nice, but don’t be overly interested. There is a big difference. Don’t introduce yourself too hastily and don’t show too much enthusiasm to be talking to her.

Women can tell when you want them. If you look too intensely and for too long at them, you’re likely to push them away. In this situation, he who shows hunger, does not get to eat.

Focus on the balance between being polite and being interested. When you are polite and do things like opening a door for her but then are not overly interested, you will leave her wondering if you do like her or not. Being respectful is a very mature quality and for many women, finding a partner that is mature and can handle themselves is at the top of their list.

Show her the respect she deserves by listening to her and not pushing your need for a date. Our needs are our own concern and shouldn’t become the burden of others until we have a solid relationship in which we can lean on the other person in a mutually supportive relationship.

Watch your body language and be careful not to smile too much too often. Looking at her for prolonged periods is tempting but you have to keep it low-key while you’re getting to know her. When she is around, just think to yourself that you are happy she’s there, but you’d be just as good if she wasn’t. Make her feel welcomed but not overwhelmed.

Don’t Get Stuck On Her Before You Know Her

The next time you see a couple where the girl is really beautiful. Notice if the man looks blown away by her beauty. Chances are, he does not. That’s because beneath the skin she’s just a person and being in a relationship brings out the worst in most people at some point. Think about it. How often have you gotten in a heated debate with yourself? Being close to someone can really put people to the test and the initial wow-factor of beauty eventually wears off.

3 Important Things You Need to Know About Attractive Women

  1. If you see a girl that you like, never forget that she is one of many women. Don’t let yourself put her on a pedestal.
  2. You don’t know her and some beautiful women who seem well composed and confident on the outside are actually insecure and dramatic once you get to know them.
  3. Many attractive women are very used to being eyeballed (even if they don’t like it). They can become accustomed to getting very warm attention from the masses of men out there. When you don’t show that same puppy-dog like willingness to please her, you will catch her off guard and grab her attention.

There will always be more women. That’s not to say that each one isn’t special, it is to they say that if one women isn’t interested, move on and don’t look back. Let her live her life. You will both be happier that way.

If you are afraid that one particular girl is the last girl that you will ever meet, you will be putting too much importance on her and she’ll notice. Once she’s realized you’ve put her on a pedestal, she might lose interest. Women will chuckle to themselves as they think “Ha! Yeah… I could have him.” And that’s exactly when they will decide to not have you.

Many women are naturally more interested in the guy that doesn’t look her up and down, the one that doesn’t stare deeply in her eyes after just having met her; the guy who she doesn’t know if he’s interested in her or not. The reason is because a slight disinterest in her shows a strong interest in yourself. You’re showing her that you have a high self-esteem. Being overly interested can make you seem lower than here and that can be a deal breaker.

After you’ve said ‘hi’ a few times to her over the course of a few days or weeks, if a conversation organically happens, be courteous but cut the conversation short.

3 very important things will happen:

  1. You won’t give yourself enough time to get nervous and say something that could drive her away.
  2. You’ll leave her wondering what was more important than her and that’s hard for a woman to deal with.
  3. She’ll be wanting more and soon. In fact, she might even catch up with you and make sure you give her attention!

Treat her right and with respect from the very moment that you meet her. Nothing bad comes from being good to people and everyone wants to be treated with respect. You stand to gain a trusted life partner or maybe just a friend. Either way, you both win.

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