Guide to Dating for the Socially Anxious Man Part IV: Body Language to Convey the Right Message

Your body language speaks volumes about you. As a socially anxious man, body language can be one of our greatest challenges when trying to make yourself understood to women.  Attempting to fix that in the moment, when you are on a date, is only going to make you feel more self-conscious and nervous.

Practice the techniques in this article at times when you’re not under pressure.  Cultivate the following habits over time until they are automatic.

3 Habits of Confident & Charming Men

1. Make your general posture and stances open in all meanings of the word.

Your arms should be spread apart and relaxed. A closed posture, where your arms are inward towards your body, suggests submissiveness and communicates that you want the woman to make all the decisions and take a dominant role.

social-anxiety-open-vs-closed-posturebeing a submissive man may be attractive to some women but let her communicate that to you once you’ve gotten to know each other better.

Having a relaxed posture makes you look more like a leader. It doesn’t mean you have to be demanding and overbearing. you’re just comfortable and not looking for guidance.

You don’t have to look like Captain John Smith Landing at Jamestown for the first time like the character on the left either, but try not to stay closed up like the guy on the right.

Stay open by making sure you are never blocking her path. When going through a doorway, always stand to the side and gesture for her to go first and say something simple like “after you” and smile. You will show that you are in charge while at the same time being a perfect gentleman and not controlling her.

2. Make good eye contact.

Your eye contact is like a rope that tethers you to the person you’re speaking to. It keeps you connected and when you sever that link, you communicate aloofness and mistrust. What that means can vary greatly from person to person but a good rule of thumb is to make about the same amount of eye contact as the other person makes with you.

Eye contact can convey a message of wanting to connect with the other person. Make sure you have a little happiness going on when you meet eyes with the other person. A cold stare will give anyone the creeps and can end your relationship before it begins. Let her know you’re pleased to be in her presence by showing her warmth when looking at her.

Some people are very comfortable with lots of eye contact while others are not. This also depends a lot on the rapport you have with her. Too much eye contact before you know someone can be intimidating to anyone.

3. Cultivate calmness.

This is something, like most things in this article that will come with time and only when you’re ready. When a man has an air of calmness, it expresses power and self-control. These are very masculine qualities and can be very attractive to certain ladies.

Make a daily habit of doing a brief relaxation exercise. This will help you to create a buffering space in your head to cushion you between what happens in the outside world and how you react to it.

Take 5 – 10 minutes of every day and find a comfortable and quiet place to sit. Start by taking a few slow breaths way down into your belly. Then let your breathing become natural and just watch the breath.

Be aware of what thoughts come up. Acknowledge them and gently let them go and turn back to watching the breath. The process of letting thoughts go will be something that repeats itself many times during each relaxation exercise.

Once you’ve practiced these techniques, they will become easier over time. We didn’t become shy and anxious over night and it will take time to heal but it is more than possible. Keep at it and you will be able to project more happiness and confidence as each days passes.

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